Active listening

Active listening is a means for allowing and encouraging a person to freely communicate his/her needs and opinions. By attempting to understand the other person's point of view, you build and establish trust.

Like any new skill, you may feel clumsy, self-conscious and artificial when you first use it. But the more you practice the better and more comfortable you will get.

Remember, you have to be in mood to listen. You really have to want to listen. If you are not ready to be a good listener at a particular moment, say so. In that way you are being fair to yourself and the speaker.

How | The Understanding Response | When

How to Actively Listen:

1. Avoid distractions, interruptions and interrupting.

These include phones, passers by, TV and radio
Allow the speaker to finsh their statement before jumping in to speak, even if you think you know what they are about to say.

2. Use positive non-verbal cues to encourage.

Maintain eye contact with the speaker, even if he/she looks away from you when they speak.
Be aware of your facial expressions and body language.

3. Don't fake understanding, be sure to ask questions.

Example: "Could you give me an example?"
Example: "How did you feel when that happened?"

4. Provide clear, unambiguous feedback; paraphrase.

Provide acknowledgements (verbal -- "I see;" non-verbal -- silence, nods)
Be specific and descriptive
choose the most accurate feeling word
Stay directed; focus on the speakers' feelings
Be well timed; vary your responses and reflect during brief interactions

5. Repress the desire to respond with advice or an opinion unless asked to.

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The Understanding Response:

This response method is an attempt to put yourself in the speakers' shoes. It encourages the speaker to open up more and facilitates further communication. Here are some tips:

1. Passive

Silence
Nods
Non-verbal interest

2. Minimal encouragements

"uh-huh... "
"oh really? "
"I see... "
"Go on... "

3. Door openers

"I'd like to hear more... "
"Tell me more about that... "
"Give me an example... "

4. Vary your inquiries using both open and closed questions

"How did that make you feel?"
"What happened next?"
"What did he do?"

5. Reflections of content and feeling

"You look sad"
"Sounds like you feel like you were treated unfairly"

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When to Actively Listen:

Listening actively is a way of saying to the speaker that you accept how they see the world. Here are some situations where active listening is critical:

1. Before you take action.

2. Before you argue or criticize.

3. When the other person experiences strong feelings or wants to discuss a problem.

4. When you sense the other person is not verbalizing their problem.

5. When another person wants to sort out his feelings and thoughts.

6. During a "direct mutual conversation."

7. When you encounter new ideas

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